Passage:
Psalm 139
Key verses:
“You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me!” vs. 15-18 (NLT)
In October 2010 I was invited to become our choir’s Prayer Director. For over a year, I had the privilege to lead an amazing group of prayer warriors as we interceded for the needs of our choir family. You have to understand one thing about this choir: it’s almost as big as my first home church in Brazil
Two weeks ago I received that phone call in the form of a doctor’s visit. I had been experiencing some abdominal pain for a couple of weeks and the pain became almost unbearable that Tuesday. Because of previous health history, my doctor rushed me to the ER for a CT scan of my abdomen. The exam revealed a ruptured ovarian cyst, the culprit of the excruciating pain. In the meantime, however, to our surprise, the doctors found a mass in my kidney. Two days later, I sat at the urologist office as I was told I had kidney cancer. My “phone” had rung.
If this is the first time you read this news about me, you may be shocked and sad at the same time. And I appreciate that a lot. However, today I want to share with you what God has shown me in the last 20 days. These past weeks have introduced me to a whole new understanding of God’s grace and love. These have also been days when I have been given the opportunity to experience whether or not the Word that I claim to stand by and believe in is indeed the reality which I choose to live by. “For we walk by faith, not by sight.” 2 Corinthians 5:7 (NASB)
When His Grace is Sufficient
“You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!” v.5-6 (NLT)
As I heard the doctor tell me the news, various thoughts raced through my mind: I am not supposed to have cancer. I don’t have any history in my family. I’m fairly young. I eat healthy. What on earth? And then, my friends, the doctor uttered these words, these amazing words that changed the way I looked at this brand-new valley in an instant: “this ovarian cyst may have saved your life. This cancer is a silent killer and most people don’t have any symptoms until the cancer is advanced and metastasized. These are really good news.”
Pause. First tears come down my face. Pause. Blessed ovarian cyst. Pause. Praise Your Name, Abba Father! Pause. You are with me. All fear is gone. Pause. Amazing, indescribable, unfathomable grace poured down on my life. Halleluiah to my King!
I don’t claim to understand all facets of God’s grace, but I certainly have seen it in a whole new dimension these past several days. My Bible has been open to Psalm 139 for almost three weeks now, and as I read this wonderful passage, I’ve started to visualize different ways in which God has taken care of me throughout my life. I see the Great Master, shaping my innermost being as I was but a seed in my mother’s womb. I see the Merciful Father, patiently waiting for me to turn to Him as, like the prodigal son, I pursued everything BUT Him for far too many years. I see Him mercifully nudging me to surrender it all to Him, even as a Christian, as I many times leaned to my own understanding instead of trusting Him blindly. And now I see Romans 8:28 in lively colors before me, as something that caused me great pain was used to potentially save my life.
“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” (NASB)
And WE KNOW
Oh, my friends, what a deep, marvelous truth that Paul, inspired by the Holy Spirit of God delivers in the beginning of this most loved verse of Scripture: we KNOW. We may not fell like God works all things together for our good, but we KNOW. This truth must be in the forefront of every trial we face. Because, honestly, when you are told you have cancer, or your spouse tells you that he or she does not love you anymore, or your child has walked away from God and is living in bondage and rebellion against everything that you taught him; how on earth, my friend, how can we feel like these things are working together for our good? We can’t! Our minds will want to despair, our hearts will tend to give up and rebel. We will feel like quitting. It is then that you must tell your soul, as the psalmist does on Psalm 42:5:
“Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again— my Savior and my God!” (NLT)
Consider it ALL joy?
“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” James 1:2-5 (NASB)
My family took the last week of December off to rest. I spent time praying and asking God to show me what He wanted me to prioritize for 2012. The list was pretty easy: #1 – knowing Him more; #2 – enjoying my family more; #3 – serving Him through my ministry at Soaring with Him, which includes the book that I am in the process of writing. While praying for this year, I remember distinctively telling Him to do whatever He wished with my life in order to bring Him glory and so that I’d know Him more intimately. Two days before the diagnostics, I came across James 1:2-5 and I felt compelled to write it down in a 3×5 card and post it on my kitchen sink window. The night I came home after the doctor’s visit there were two things that God kept reminding me: One: the fact that I had asked him to do whatever He pleased with my life in order to bring Him glory. Two: He had told me, two days before, to count it all joy. This verse could easily be misunderstood, had Paul not followed his explanation on what the “ALL” meant. We are to count our tribulations and our trials as joy. What a strange, utterly crazy thought for those who don’t understand the love of a Father who wishes to bring His children into a deep knowledge of Him. Paul is saying that our trials produce in us an endurance and faith that otherwise can never be accomplished. Think about it: how can we see His miraculous healing, if we don’t go through pain? How can we feel His all comforting presence, if we are never alone? How can we experience the joy of deliverance if we were never in bondage?
Bitter… or Better?
At the end of every shocking encounter with painful situations in life, we are left with two simple choices. We can choose to become bitter… or we can choose to become better. In the first process, you will allow the world, the doctors, your mind, the devil, and even well intended friends to determine how you will respond. This road is pretty easy, in fact. All you have to do is feel sorry for yourself, allow fear and doubt to permeate your mind and do nothing about it. You can choose to numb yourself with the help of pain killers, alcohol, drugs, sex or any other activity that will get your mind off of your problems. You will find momentary pleasure and you may even forget your pain for a moment. But at the end of this road, you will find yourself bitter and empty.
The second road is God’s path for His children.
Your first response will probably be like everyone else’s. You’ll cry, you’ll hurt and you may even despair. But then you should stop and look up. You should then remind yourself that your loving God, who hand-crafted you in your mother’s wombs, whose thoughts about you are to prosper you, never to harm you (Jeremiah 29:11,) who promised never to leave you nor forsake you (Joshua 1:5,) has allowed your trial for a reason. You start worshiping Him before you even understand where you are going and certainly even if you don’t “feel” like it; because you’re determined that you KNOW that He is working it all for your good. You choose to, instead of allowing your mind to wander to places of hopelessness and depression, to believe Him at His Word. You choose to wait expectantly upon His deliverance. You choose to trust that, even if He does not remove your trial, even if your outcome is a far cry from a happy ending, He is still in control and He will reward your faith and faithfulness in this life and in the life to come. This road leads to life-everlasting. This road leads to an intimate, precious relationship with the Father that can potentially change your life and impact the world around you. This road will make you better.
I don’t know the end of my story. At this moment, I am so overwhelmed that God has graciously revealed this cancer in such an early stage. Don’t get me wrong. I have my moments. This will be my third major surgery in less than six years. But I am choosing to praise Him because, although I will lose part of an organ, this loss should mean that I will gain many more years in this world with Him. Tomorrow, I may find out that it is not so. I don’t know. But I hope, with all the hope that there is in me, that if and when the doctors say that my days in this world are coming to an end, my life will have brought Him glory. Not so I may get the kudos of those who are watching, but because I know that in the process of living with Him, I have gained a closeness and understanding of the Father that nothing in this world can ever give me. In words, in action and in deeds, today I choose to become better. I choose to say yes to whatever means my Maker decides to use to perfect my faith, that I may lack in nothing.
Count it all joy! All of it! The bad, the ugly, the sad, the hard times, the emptiness, the loneliness, the rejection. Count it all joy, my friends, as these valleys are the means by which a loving Father is using to bring you closer and transform you into the person He has designed you to be. Way back when, in your mother’s womb, where He crafted you and counted each one of your days. Not one went missing. Not one.
Dear Father, I praise You for your presence, which is better than silver and gold and better than life itself. I pray that you will teach me to keep my eyes on You through my trial, that I may never lose focus of the fact that You are in control and You have the very best in mind for me. In the process of walking with You and waiting on my deliverance, may you teach me, mold me, hold me in times where the hurt is too great. Remind me, Father, that my life is in Your hands and that with Jesus, I can do all things and go through any valley. Teach me to listen to You and obey, that at the end of this journey, I may become better, not bitter. In Jesus’ Name I pray, AMEN!
Allow me to share a video with you. This song will bring your trial into God’s perspective and bless your soul!
You and God are amazing. Praise His holy name.
For those on the “road of Bitter….or Better” ~ the second paragraph is so relevant, so true. It is a choice NOT to let the mind wander and chose to trust in His love. Your transparency is refreshing.
Love this fresh reminder of God’s amazing grace and goodness!! Love you oodles!!!
Patricia, you will never know just how much your testimony lifted me up. It’s amazing how the “c” word has a tendency to put doubt and fear in you. However, when you know our Lord and Savior and have a personal walk with Him, that fear and doubt is replaced with joy! I rest in knowing He promised He will NEVER leave or forsake us!
Hi Patricia,
You took my morning quiet study time with God this morning to a different level. You WOKE me up. Thank you for being my faithful prayer group leader. Job well done! I also like the word PAUSE that Dr. Stanley preached a few weeks ago. It is at this quiet moment, He applies another word to my heart I have studied, CONVICTION. In that instance, His WILL is revealed and Peace always follows. God’s PEACE will be with you to surpass all your understanding.
Now it’s my time to lift you up in prayer to God. I promise! I will! If you need a special momentary prayer, just let know and consider it done. I will cry out to God for you anytime, anyplace.
Love Ya!
Lynette
I am praying for you. Thank you for sharing this and reminding me that the hurts in my are to draw me closer to God.
Very encouraging devotional. Needed to hear it. One of my favorite songs but I haven’t listened to it in awhile. There are many people that God has placed in my life right now that are going through some very painful experiences and so as I have been called to minister to and pray for them. My heart at times grows heavy and so to hear this message and music it lifted my soul to a place of understanding God’s complete knowledge and ability to see us through these many trials and to provide the care and comfort we need. Thank you for sharing and I will be praying for you and your family in the days ahead. Love in Christ, Elaine
Patricia, I believe this is your best work yet! God has a unique way of using your trials for the enrichment of others and to bring Him glory! I am glad to be your best friend! Thank you for the perspective you bring to the table on this subject of trials, of which none of us can escape! You remind us to trust and believe no matter what and we are not alone. I am here for you always and will walk this journey alongside you and our precious Savior!
Thank you Patricia, it is so encouraging and strengthening to know your testimony and know our loving Lord has a plan and has designed our lives with His glory in mind. I am not afraid of the future now because even with the diagnosis of cancer it is not the end of anything only the beginning of an intimate journey with my Savior. I can trust Him to be sovereign in all that is going on. love you and continue to pray for you and God bless.