It’s Mother’s Day weekend, and when I started thinking about the theme for my column, I had a recurring thought.
For the past several years, I have been in constant prayer about some mothers I know and their children, whose relationships are filled with unforgiveness, separation or constant conflict.
In each of these situations, I can easily understand the motives behind the estrangement: overbearing and controlling mothers, children who neglect or disrespect their mothers, mothers who hurt their children deeply, whether by actions or with harsh words.
Thoughtless actions … selfish actions … intentional or unintentional deeds that create a wedge between two flawed human beings, nonetheless bearing a void in a person’s heart that cannot be replaced.
As a mom, my heart hurts every time I pray for these mothers. I cannot imagine not talking to my children for months, or years. As a daughter, I often understand the anger and certainly the void it creates, because it was my own for many years. And in each case, I can clearly see that God put these ladies in my life because I can somehow relate to their stories.
For over two decades, my relationship with mom was superficial, at best. As a child, my mom was not very present, and when she was, she was hardly the nurturing kind. As my parents’ marriage started suffering and ultimately ended up in divorce during my teenage years, our relationship became even worse. For far too long, I had a mixture of contempt and indifference toward my mom. The outcome was a heart filled with bitterness and anger, and a deep sense of unfulfillment that constantly spread to all other relationships in my life.
It wasn’t until I turned 25 and became a Christian that I started understanding the depths of God’s forgiveness and grace, and my own condition as a completely flawed human being, that I could finally open my heart to let God heal the pain and ultimately restore our relationship. Today, we live as two happy, redeemed souls, restored and renewed, and bound together by a deep love and appreciation for each other. It’s nothing short of a miracle. Really.
Earlier this week, as I thought about this column, one of God’s commandments in Scriptures crossed my mind: “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” The fifth on the list written in the book of Exodus, this well-known commandment is the only one which contains a promise. God promises that, if we honor our parents, we shall have a long life. But as we dive into the intrinsic meaning of these words, I believe there is more than what meets the eye: Honoring our parents not only pleases God, but it also translates into living a more fulfilling, better life. A life that is more infused with peace, contentment and completion.
For most of my readers, Mother’s Day is probably filled with love and gratitude, honor and joy. I am forever thankful to God that today I am also found on that list, both as a mother and as a daughter. But for my readers who are estranged from their mothers, even if for very good reasons, my prayer is that you will find it in your heart to mend the broken bridges, reach out to the woman who gave you life or raised you, offering the same grace that you wish to receive when you fail.
I was studying the Old Testament not long ago and had a wonderful revelation. In the Hebrew language, the word for “compassion” comes from the root word, “womb.” It’s the picture of birthing something new, or giving someone another chance. I don’t think I came across that insight by coincidence.
As we celebrate this Mother’s Day, may we extend love and compassion to the one who carried us in her womb, or raised us as if she had. May we mend bridges if need be. May we learn to love our mothers with more grace and less judgment. May we honor our mothers, that we may have peace, and find life at its very best.
As we celebrate this Mother’s Day, may we extend love and compassion to the one who carried us in her womb, or raised us as if she had. May we mend bridges if need be. May we learn to love our mothers with more grace and less judgment.… Click To TweetThis article was originally published in Patricia’s column for The Atlanta Journal Constitution on Saturday – May 12, 2018.
I know that not all Mother-daughter relationships are amicable. I’m so thankful for what I was able to have with my mother and what I now have with my children – mostly adults and a teenager. Relationships are hard, and in our strength, we would fail. But I’ve found that if I’m willing to submit, be humble, extend grace, and forgive it’s possible to have beautiful relationships.
Enjoy the day and every day.
I always think about how much grace I need… when I don’t feel like giving grace Happy Mother’s Day, Nylse!
Great message Patricia, powerfully edifying, full of compassion for the mothers and children who struggle facing the past on mother.’s day.
May God greatly bless you this mother’s day as your message to the hurting secular readers of AJC has provided them with an escape from their past.
In Christ,
Walt
Thank you so much, Walt. God bless you!
Oh, how your message touched my heart, Patricia! My mother and I endured a rocky relationship in so many ways for many years. Now, with God’s help, I’ve forgiven her and love her more deeply than ever. Yes, relationships CAN be healed, but we need to confess our own sinfulness, and realize that we should, as God does, look beyond the flaws in others and simply love them.
Blessings, and Happy Mother’s Day!
I believe there are so many women who experience the same brokenness, Martha! And yes, it is a deep brokenness that can only be healed when we choose to look inside our hearts and confess that we need as much grace as our moms do!
Thank you for your encouragement! Blessings,