“Everybody thinks of changing humanity and nobody thinks of changing Himself.” Leo Tolstoy.
There hardly is anything more challenging for human beings than committing to change. Whether it is changing how we think or act; overcoming weaknesses or implementing new habits, the old maxim “you cannot teach an old dog new tricks” is indeed, to many of us, as true as it is sad.
I thought about that as I talked to someone this past week. Once again, this person reacted to a situation in a way that only brings pain to herself. Impulsivity got the best of her, and, before she knew it, hurtful words poured out of her mouth, pushing someone away.
Sigh.
“How much does one have to lose before they change?” I thought to myself.
Truth be told, we all struggle with that, in one way of another. As Tolstoy’s quote from his political manuscript “Three Methods of Reform” states, we have ideas about changing others, but hardly recognize how much we ourselves must change.
This is true concerning all aspects of life. We plant our feet on social or personal behaviors that may have worked in the past, but do not work anymore. We say things that we shouldn’t… and repeat them once more. Bad habits remain unchanged. Sins continue to master over our lives. We settle in our ways and refuse to move. In the process, some of us collect a long list of losses, heartbreaks and even enemies. All because we refuse to look within ourselves and, not only acknowledge our flaws, but take steps toward change.
During one of his missionary journeys across the Roman empire, the apostle Paul established the church of Ephesus, located in Asia Minor (present-day Turkey), where he spent three years. Later, while in house arrest in Rome, the apostle wrote the letter to the Ephesian church, which is believed to have been written as a circular letter, to be sent to all the churches in the area. In that epistle, Paul does not confront the church with any particular issue. Rather, the apostle used it to instruct believers on key elements of the Christian faith, as well as affirm the nature of the church — believers were to understand that they are showered with God’s kindness, brought near to God, chosen for greatness, and empowered to overcome all weaknesses.
Believers must understand that they are showered with God’s kindness, brought near to God, chosen for greatness, and empowered to overcome all weaknesses. Click To TweetOn the fifth chapter of the epistle, these sober words jump off the page: “See that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise.” Or, in other words, “Don’t just aimlessly, carelessly walk through life. Live carefully, act with purpose.”
The word “circumspectly” here is the translation of a Greek work used in accounting terms referring to precision, careful counting.
It means we are to live with precise, deliberate and calculated movements. It means we make a decision to change our ways before we are confronted with the next challenge. It means we bite our tongue when tempted to lash out, or leave the room when feeling our blood pressure rise. It means we avoid situations where things that tempt us are freely offered, and intentionally walk past places we should not enter. It means we pray before acting … and do not move until we have peace to do so.
It means we commit to change. Not others, but ourselves first.
“That’s the way I am” is simply not the great excuse some people believe it to be.
As I think about my own life, I realize how much my relationships changed after I understood that God freely gives us the power to overcome our weaknesses, whatever they are. For many years, I lived by Frank Sinatra’s motto and “did it my way.” The results were nothing to brag about. It was not until I surrendered my weaknesses to God and started doing things His way, that I was able to change my record (no pun intended).
Today, when tempted to impose change upon others, I confront myself first. If everyone did the same, we might not be able to change humanity as Tolstoy envisioned, but we can certainly change our families. Perhaps (wild thought) … even our country.
This article was originally published on Patricia’s column for The Atlanta Journal Constitution on Saturday – November 9, 2018.
When tempted to impose change upon others, I confront myself first. If everyone did the same, we might not be able to change humanity but we can certainly change our families. Perhaps even our country. Click To Tweet Commit to change. Not others, but ourselves first. “That’s the way I am” is simply not the great excuse some people believe it to be. #changeYourLife #MondayMotivation #MondayMorning @AJC Click To Tweet
I think it might have been Gandhi who said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” Yes, we need God’s help to change and be formed more into Christ’s image. Imagine if everyone calling him or herself a Christian would do the same?
Blessings, Patricia!
That’s right, Martha! It would indeed be a different world!
Blessings, sister!
Fresh and powerful word, Patricia. Love that opening quote. As a whole, our society is inward focused, but the focus isn’t on change, it’s on look at “me.” It’s more about attention getting instead of changing…in the power of Christ. And “live with precise, deliberate and calculated movements.”
“That’s just the way I am” has always been a pet peeve of mine. Because we are wired to conform to the image of Christ, but we learn to settle for less. Thanks for this!
Thank you, Karen! And yes, we are never to settle for our old, fallen nature! The Holy Spirit in us can change the worse in us.
Blessings, sister!
Your words ring with truth Patricia. We want others to change for us but we refuse to see the plank in our own eye. We are quick to fault others for their mistakes without noticing our own.
Amen, Yvonne! Can you imagine what marriages would be like if we tried less to fix our spouses and focus on overcoming our own shortcomings? What a testimony to the world it would be!
Grateful for your comment!
These qualities seem to be sadly lacking in our increasingly volatile world. We no longer look at one another, but fire of missives to one another by text, not considering that we speak to another emotional and feeling person. We listen to our leaders insult and ridicule one another, neither side listening to the other. The world is filled with people “doing it my way.” We’re headed toward a train wreck unless more of us implement these strategies of relying on the Savior. How badly the world needs Jesus! Thanks for these reminders and admonitions.
So true, Melinda!
It’s a zoo out there. Literally. I’ve never seen more blaming, offending and misunderstanding. God help us! Come Jesus, come!
Thanks for the encouragement, Patricia. I fully agree that to change the world, I must start with myself. The issue I’ve found is that too few are humble enough to admit they need to change let alone honest enough to know in what way they should.
Your comment on Ephesians is great. I’ve never heard the word circumspectly used in that passage. It’s always careful in my translations. I like how you unpacked that. Circumspectly seems deeper and more profound. Good post!
Yes, it is… just as the Hebrew language is much more profound. I love to study the original language in certain passages.
Thank you for your encouragement and for stopping by!
Change is not easy, but it is possible. And as you rightly notice, it is only possible if we deliberately work on it, making certain steps towards it, not just wanting it. Thank you for the encouragement!
Thank you, Galin! I appreciate you stopping by! Be blessed!
“That’s just the way God made me.” As you point out, He has also made us to grow and change. This s good stuff to be reminded of in our own sanctification.
Thanks for posting it.m
Thank you so much, Beth! Sanctification… this life-long process following salvation is hard because our flesh always wants to get in the way. But thank God for His Holy Spirit who can help us in our weaknesses!
So glad you stopped by!
Patricia, this is such a timely message. I have been thinking lately about the motto “I did it my way”. That has truly become accepted in our culture as the correct way to approach life and sadly it has spilled over into Christian thinking. If Jesus is our Savior and Lord, that means we are following His plan, His Word, His Spirit. It means surrender. It means humbling ourselves. It means more of Christ, less of me. This type of thinking is counter-cultural more than ever before! So, we really have to cling to God’s truth as bigger than anything around us. As God continues to change us into the image of Christ, it will be a living example that changed lives are possible. Oh, God, help us live out your truth of transformed lives!
Melissa, it’s really the norm… we see it everyday. We want to change others but often refuse to surrender those things that make us less like Jesus. Only by His grace can we see how much we really must change. And understand that our job is just to surrender. The change is His job.
Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing!
Thank you Patricia for your wise words.
We tend to judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their actions which doesn’t help us much either.
Change for all of us is easier with a big why. And what bigger why that our God.
Indeed, God is the One who changes us, Bob… and when we try less to change others and pray more, we usually realize how much we ourselves must change!
Blessings to you!
Dear Patricia!
I could relate to this, Patricia. Change is always difficult.
Your blog posts reminded me of the nature of change in the modern world.
It doesn’t help to cry about it; we ought to embrace it as the new way of life 🙂
With love!
Edna Davidsen
It’s true. We can’t help the changes in the world… but we can deliberate ask God to help us have a positive change in our hearts and behavior.
Thanks for stopping by!
Yes, we sure can, Patricia.
Enjoy 🙂
From experience, I know you are absolutely right. I didn’t see the changes I wanted in my own family until I committed to be the one that changed first. We often have the mentality of, when they change, then I will change—no one makes the first move and there is a stalemate. It takes an act of humility to make the first move, but that is when we see the spiritual breakthroughs.
I can relate to your experience, Luisa… That’s exactly what happened to me. Thank God for the Holy Spirit that opens our eyes to the truth: only He can change people!
So glad you stopped by!
I really liked this post. I agree wholeheartedly. Change starts from within but with the guidance of Christ it’s completely possible. I thank God for giving me the strength I need to make those changes. I love that change begins with choice!
100%!
We choose to be open to hear what the Holy Spirit says about ourselves… and He certainly guides us into what needs to change in our lives. And gives us the power to do it!
Thank you for commenting, Wendy!
Changing ourselves is so simple, and yet so difficult! It’s so much easier to point the finger at someone else, and that’s why we do it, even though it’s completely ineffective. Thanks for sharing this, Patricia, I enjoyed the read and the food for thought.
I am so glad you enjoyed it and it gave you something to think about, Brianna!
Come back, any time!
Blessings,
All I can say is…Amen! As hard as it is to change ourselves, I wonder why we so often think we can change others more easily. My husband and I have some small books of prayers for your spouse, and in each one, the first third of the book is praying for yourself to be a better spouse. Great advice!
You are so right! Praying for ourselves gives the Holy Spirit permission to show us the things we must change… the result is, if we are changed, others usually change as well… it’s just a natural response.
So grateful for your participation, Susan . Blessings to you!