The tendency to confuse faithfulness with responsibility runs deep in my DNA. One time I decided to put together a Saturday conference for the women in our church. My husband and I led a large Sunday School class, and I envisioned women primarily from our class attending.
When I learned how many were registering, I began to worry. Why were so many coming? What were they expecting? This wasn’t an event I’d spent months planning. I hadn’t even promoted it except for a notice in the bulletin.
I realized I felt responsible for their happiness. The pressure to meet their unknown expectations was stealing the joy of something I’d looked forward to.
Do you carry an over developed sense of responsibility? When I feel overwhelmed, I usually discover I’m feeling responsible for something beyond my control. My desire to minister to the women at the conference had subtly turned into pressure to make them happy.
Do you carry an over developed sense of responsibility? When I feel overwhelmed, I usually discover I’m feeling #responsible for something beyond my control. @debbiewwilson #RechargeWednesday Click To TweetThe Difference Between a Goal and a Desire
In order to help us understand where our responsibilities end and other people’s begin, some thought leaders have delineated between a goal and a desire.
A Goal is something you want, and you control the means to reach it.
A Desire is something you want, but you don’t control the variables to reach it. You need the cooperation of other people and/or circumstances to achieve it.
For example, let’s say you plan a picnic for your family. You get up early to shred cheese for their favorite sandwiches. You hum as you spread pimento cheese onto slices of homemade bread. The picture of your family enjoying your special effort brings a smile as you pack a lovely quilt.
An hour before you leave, your son’s friend calls to invite him to the pool. He’s spent time with his friend but not with the family. You say, “Next time. Today is family time.” Disappointment oozes out of his pores. His body comes to the picnic, but not his heart.
At lunch you hand your daughter her sandwich on a paper plate decorated with her favorite cartoon character. She whines, “I don’t like this bread.”
At least you have homemade chocolate chip cookies.
Your son grabs the cookies, the ones you stayed up to midnight to bake, and says, “Mom, they’re moving!”
To your dismay, the seal wasn’t tight. Ants march through your cookies.
Did you fail? Was your effort a complete waste? That depends.
If your goal was to make them happy, then yeah, you failed. No one’s happy. But if your goal was to love your family, then, well done! You’re a success.
Learn from Jesus
Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matt. 11:28-29 NIV).
Jesus’ assignments aren’t heavy burdens when we live yoked to Him. He’s gentle. If we learn from Him, we’ll be gentle with ourselves too. Any goal that requires someone else’s cooperation can be blocked by those people. God doesn’t hold us responsible for what we can’t control. He asks us to be faithful—to Him.
God doesn’t measure success by how things appear but by how we live. Once I realized the source of my anxiety before the conference, I was able to let it go. I only had to be faithful to do my part in the power of the Holy Spirit and leave the results to Him.
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LINKUP is open! This week, my friend @DebbieWWilson reminds us that God doesn’t hold us responsible for what we can’t control. He asks us to be faithful—to Him, not to other people's actions. Join us and share your blog with our… Click To Tweet
That’s a good distinction. We do want everyone to be pleased with what we do, but that’s not always realistic. We can only do what we can do by God’s power and grace.
Barbara, it is a wonderful day when this truth sinks in. Blessings to you.
I uses to fall into this trap all the time when our kids were tiny. I would lament about someone’s situation to my good husband, ending with, “I want them to be happy.” He would always remind me that it wasn’t my job.to make them happy.
And it’s still true! Holiness is much more desirable , even if it takes them through deep waters and hot fires.
Michele, I’d love to meet you husband some time. I always enjoy how you refer to him. We need those voices of reason in our lives.
I so identified with this and yes for me the breakthrough came in releasing outcomes to God, and just being willing to play my part and give my best effort – thank you Debbie for the reminder once again that I am not responsible for other peoples happiness 🙂
Sharon, many of us need that reminder from time to time. Even Paul said “if I were still trying to please men.” That tells me maybe he had at one time.
This was great! Thanks for sharing.
Steffanie, thank you for reading!
Were you listening in on the conversation I had about this last night? Seriously, Debbie, this is a post timed just for me! Thank you.
LOL and praise the Lord! Thanks, Bethany.
Love this. What a great perspective shift for when we find ourselves with unmet expectations.
Thank you, Lauren!
Debbie, you offer such fresh insight here. Especially the difference between goal and desire. I’m thankful Jesus only measures success by how we live!
Me too, Karen. Have a great weekend.