While mentioning the critics of his 10-year program, he challenged them as people “who look with fear and distrust upon planning for the future,” and then proceeded to make an interesting analogy:

“These men who live in the past remind me of a toy I’m sure all of you have seen. The toy is a small wooden bird called the “Floogie Bird.” Around the Floogie Bird’s neck is a label reading: “I fly backwards. I don’t care where I’m going. I just want to see where I’ve been.”

Inevitably, curious that I am, I immediately searched for pictures of this unique toy. Strangely enough, I could not find it anywhere on the web. I wanted to see it because I found the saying odd for a child’s toy. But the illustration certainly gave me pause, particularly that day.

The first two months of 2018 have quickly gone by. Earlier this week, before coming across Truman’s speech, I felt a bit discouraged while realizing that one of the most important tasks that God put in my heart to accomplish this year is already falling behind.

At the end of 2017, I wrote my goals for the New Year, and decided to add a new strategy to keep focused on my objectives and not waste time. I wrote down my main goals, and broke them down in smaller tasks, to be accomplished within a set timeframe.

Now – I know that life happens. When you are a mom of two girls in school age and with no extended family in town to count on for help, their schedule takes precedent over yours. It just happens. Since I work from home, I have been blessed to have flexibility, and because I have committed to keep my priorities in order, failure to manage my time in the past caused ministry work objectives to fall behind. No issue there. However, because of these past failures, I found myself looking back at what has not been accomplished last year and thinking: “There we go again – Nothing will change.”

I believe everyone has some sort of paradigm that they do not wish to repeat, and yet, find themselves naturally drawn to. Nevertheless, whether it is a habit that we need to quit, or a past failure that keeps us bound, at some point in time we must realize that we are the only ones preventing our dreams from coming true by failing to commit to the needed changes.

Floggie bird flew backwards, and as a result, he did not know where he was going. President Truman called 1948 Americans to believe that the future could not be better unless certain changes were implemented.

Throughout Scriptures, God also calls us to learn from our past, turn around, and focus our eyes on him for strength to change those things that keep us anchored to past failures.
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As for me, today I choose to review my objectives, rewrite timelines and move forward, with a heart anchored not in the past, but in the blessed assurance that the one who started a good work in me is faithful to complete it.

This article was originally published on Patricia’s column for The Atlanta Journal Constitution on Saturday, March 2, 2018.

Look to the past to learn. But #focus on Jesus to #succeed!
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Later, in 2016, a prominent psychology magazine published an article written by the professors titled “Six Truths for Couples.” In this article, the renowned scholars attempted to summarize six important conclusions found during their two decades of study. Their discovery is somewhat bewildering. Factors which one would usually associate with the end of a marriage were not mentioned in their conclusions.

According to their research, it doesn’t matter how in love the couples say they are, or how much affection they show to each other. The durability of a marriage is also not determined by how much couples do or do not fight. In fact, the professors concluded that the beginning of the relationships were very similar between couples who remained happily together after many years and those whose marriage ended in divorce.

One particular conclusion highlighted in their studies jumped out of the page: the poisonous, erosive effect of negative words and criticism.

The difference in the quality of words between couples who ultimately stayed together and couples who later divorced was staggering. According to the research, among couples who stayed together, 5 out of 100 comments were criticism. The number doubled for couples who later divorced: 10 out of 100 comments were negative for those couples.

As the years progressed, the statistics were even more eye opening. Couples who later divorced used as much as five times more negative comments when talking to each other as those who remained happily married. Notarius noted: “Hostile putdowns act as cancerous cells that, if unchecked, erode the relationship over time. In the end, relentless unremitting negativity takes control and the couple can’t get through a week without major blow ups.”

The professors’ research and conclusions gave me pause. I could not help but think of couples I’ve known through the years and the stark difference between their relationships. Those couples that I’ve witnessed lovingly holding each other’s hands through their golden years indeed were kind to each other throughout their married life. Conversely, those whose words and attitudes showed constant disrespect or contempt either stayed together and miserable, or ended up going separate ways.

In the book of Galatians, the apostle Paul lists nine traits that compose what is known as “The Fruit of the Spirit”: love, peace, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. In that same chapter, the apostle highlights the blunt difference between those who act in the flesh and those who allow God to shape their character and attitudes.

As I read that chapter in my Bible, I realize that, in our flesh, it is simply impossible to always display the traits of the fruit of the spirit in a marriage. Or in any close relationship, for that matter. Fights will sometimes happen. We will allow anger to silence patience, and selfishness to master over kindness from time to time. When we are tired, or someone wrongs us; when we feel attacked or someone has a bad attitude, our fleshly tendency is to respond with the same type of attitude that we’ve received. Sometimes we are the ones who initiate the bad attitude.

Naturally, there will always be those days when our flesh takes over. But I firmly believe that the secret to a healthy relationship is to make those bad days the exception, not the rule.

The secret to a healthy relationship is to make bad days the exception, not the rule.
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It doesn’t magically happen — it’s a deliberate pursuit. It takes surrendering our shortcoming to God, asking him to take over, and silence your flesh. It takes pausing before speaking, or leaving the room before patience runs out, thus choosing a better time to talk. It’s putting yourself in your spouse’s shoes before saying a harsh word. They are seemingly small attitudes, which in truth become giant contributors to the growth of a love that lasts. The type of love which, in its essence, bears fruit — the very fruits of joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

This article was originally published on my column for The Atlanta Journal Constitution on Saturday – September 30, 2017

Marriage & the Fruit of the Spirit - Building a love that lasts. @AJC Column
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After persistent pleading, I finally agreed to play Mario Kart with my daughters. Our teenager had asked us to purchase the video game at the end of the school year, so they could enjoy it during their summer vacation. I was reluctant, since my plan was to spend the summer enjoying fun outdoor activities, while cutting screen time to a minimum.

Thanks to endless rainy days, my summer plans didn’t stand. Needless to say, there are only so many activities that a mother can come up with indoors.

That’s how I found myself with a Wii remote control in my hand, trying to figure out how to play my girls’ new favorite game.

The game is pretty simple. You hold a certain button on the remote control, which helps you accelerate, while turning the control to avoid walls, other cars, and – every so often – dark abysses.

The screen is split in two, so that you can watch your opponent’s race as well.

In the first several attempts, I did not have to do much to find myself hammered against walls, falling in abysses, and ending in last place. Mom was certainly having a hard time adapting to the oh-so-sensitive remote control.

But after playing the game for a while, my hands became steadier and my stats started improving.

As I realized that my little car had finished in fourth, then third place, my competitive spirit kicked in and I decided to get ahead of my opponents.

That’s when I started playing with one eye on my screen and the other on my daughter’s race.

I wanted to know her placement.

I had to see what extra powers she had acquired.

I tried to copy her moves.

And every time my eyes got off my lane, my race, I watched my little car plunge into an abyss, or hit a wall.

So long as I kept my eyes on my game, my car ended pretty well. Not first place — but not bad for this Atari generation mom. But the moment I decided to pay attention to the other cars in the race, I would lose my place and fall behind.

The popular video game made me think of something that I believe has become increasingly challenging in our society.

In this era of social media and reality TV shows, where we find ourselves comparing our not-so-glamorous lifestyles, inexpensive summer plans or struggling relationships to the Joneses on the screen, I believe many of us are crashing and burning, simply because we don’t focus on our own race.

Many of us are crashing and burning, simply because we don’t focus on our own race.
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Whether comparing our bodies, children, marriages, jobs, friendships or ministries, we are living at a time of social distraction, where the grass seems always greener on the other side, and we often fall in the trap of pushing our way into someone else’s lane.

As I browse through my journal for the past year or so, it is evident that God has been working on this very issue in my life: “Stay focused on your race. Do not compare. Do not copy others. Just listen to My prompting and follow Me.”

Just as my thumbprints are unique, so are God’s plan for my life. My neighbor’s race was never meant to be a standard by which I measure my own success. Her fingerprints are hers. So is her race. God’s timing for each story is unique to that person’s readiness to fulfill their destiny. We must not forget that.

God’s timing for each story is unique to that person’s readiness to fulfill their #destiny.
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May God help us stop wasting precious time and energy comparing ourselves to or mimicking others. Rather, let us concentrate on doing our very best on the lane God gave us to run. For then, even if we do not finish first, even if our journey is not as rich and full of applause as someone else’s, all that matters is that we finish our exclusive, individual course, and finish it well. That’s true success, not necessarily as the world views it. It’s success – God’s way.

This article was originally published in Patricia’s Column for The Atlanta Journal Constitution (AJC) on Saturday July 8th, 2017.

Struggling to stay focused on your own race? Constantly comparing yourself to others? Read this!
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“I have walked the brothel hallways with our partners in West Bengal and seen little children living under the beds of their young mothers, who are sex slaves. Without intervention, children of sex slaves are put to work in the brothel at an even younger age than their mothers.”

I sat across from Michele Rickett, founder and president of She is Safe – an international organization with a mission to “prevent, rescue and restore women and girls from abuse and slavery in high-risk places around the world.”

I could barely finish my lunch. A mix of indignation, perplexity and excitement filled my heart, as Michele shared the heartbreaking stories of lives that are being saved, rescued and changed around the world through her organization.

In the beginning of this year, as I started to pray about the staff for my ministry’s upcoming annual women’s conference in October, I felt compelled to invite a local organization involved in the fight against human trafficking to share a testimony about their work during the conference.

A couple of months later, I met Michele at a mission’s conference. As she shared her organization’s work around the world, I immediately knew that She Is Safe was the answer to my prayers.

What started with a spark of interest turned into a passion to bring awareness about a problem that is sweeping the globe: the murder and slavery of girls in impoverished countries, simply because of their gender.

According to a 2010 article of the Economist magazine, “Gendercide” has killed over 100 million girls around the world. Newer research indicates that the number may now be closer to 200 million.

Michele elaborates on the heart-wrenching facts: “The debasing view of girls leads many families to rid themselves of these children, seeing girls as a worthless drain on family resources. The root cause of the murder of girls (gendercide), whether through feticide or infanticide, is the hideously distorted view of a girl’s value. And, of course, there is a powerful vacuum, on many levels, when girls are missing from communities. One of the most sinister is the trade in human beings, or human trafficking, which supplies a massive demand for girls.”

Indeed, according to the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime, 80 percent of human trafficking victims are girls and women, and 98 percent of sex slaves are female.

Sex slavery and child prostitution are on top of the list of other horrendous issues that plague these countries. Child marriage, physical abuse, female genital mutilation, rape, honor killings, malnutrition, oppression. The list is too large and too distressing.

My flesh screams, threatening to close the book, click out of the article, and forget what I just read. The fact that there are girls, as young as mine and even younger, living such cruel existences is too much to bear. It’s hard not to maintain a “see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil” attitude.

But I know better. We should all know better.

For while we lie down under comfortable, fully furnished air-conditioned homes, pondering if we should spend hundreds of dollars to give our teenage girl the latest smartphone, there are thousands of babies being aborted every year — simply because they are girls. And even those who survive are viewed as a hindrance to their families and society.

As I finish this column, a heartwarming picture flashes on my computer screen. It shows three beautiful young girls, eyes filled with hope, and smiles that show they are not forgotten. They sit on the front porch of one of the many safe houses that She Is Safe sponsors in India, Indonesia, Mali, Nepal, among other impoverished countries.

Their broad smiles speak volumes from the corner of the webpage: “Someone loves me. I’ve been redeemed and I have a future.”

Join the fight to save a girl’s life and future. Learn how you can help at SheIsSafe.org

This article was originally published on Patricia’s column for the Atlanta Journal Constitution on Saturday – May 27, 2017.

Millions of girls are killed or sold every day as slaves. Want to help save their lives? Read this.
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On the day scheduled for the big party, the son arrived at the venue, excited to celebrate the beginning of adulthood with his friends. As the hour progressed, however, he was surprised to realize that only 15 friends had actually showed up. He turned to his dad, frustrated: “I gave you a list of 50 of my friends, Dad! How come you invited only 15?”

The father grinned. “I invited all 50 of your friends to come, son. When I extended the invitation, however, I told them you were in need of their help, and asked them to meet you here today. Only these showed up. Look at their faces. Remember their names. These are your true friends.”

My sister told this parable as we drove around the beautiful island of Florianopolis in South Brazil during my visit earlier this week. Her illustration perfectly fitted a true story I had just told her about my recent experience concerning my friends back home in Atlanta.

In the beginning of January, my husband lost his job of 12 years after a workforce reduction initiative in his former company. We are thrilled that he was offered a great new position in the beginning of May, but as in any valley that we cross in life, there are lessons we learned through these past months. Of all of the blessings we have watched God pour onto our lives as we waited for a new door to open, one stands out: We have learned that the few people we call friends are truly our friends.

I was overwhelmed by the outpouring of love during these four months. Two couples and their families surprised us at home with dinner, the night after my husband lost his job. One of these couples drove over an hour on a weeknight to be there for us. Each one of the guys pulled my husband aside to offer to help in any way.

A prominent executive at a large firm stopped in the middle of his international travel schedule to have lunch with my husband and introduce him to another executive, in an attempt to expand my husband’s network.

Texts came in daily. Phone calls never ceased. Words of encouragement and many prayers were offered on our behalf.

Had we not gone through this valley, we would have missed the lesson: “There’s a friend who sticks closer than a brother,” the Proverb says. We were blessed to find out that is true to the few people we consider our friends.

The lesson the father taught his son in the parable is an important one. Because when life happens — and it will — and we find ourselves in the valley, everyone needs a few good friends. But the other side of the lesson is that each of us must strive to be a good friend to someone. Because the difference between feeling lost in our troubles or keeping our hearts anchored in hope, can sometimes be simply one phone call away.

Patricia Holbrook is a Christian author, blogger and International speaker. Her Book Twelve Inches is on sale at Barnes & Nobles, Amazon and retailers worldwide. Visit her website www.soaringwithHim.com. Email
pholbrook@soaringwithHim.com

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