According to a supposedly traditional Hebrew story, Abraham was sitting outside his tent one evening when a weary old traveler walked by. The old man looked tired and hungry from a long journey.

Abraham rushed out to help the stranger, inviting him into his tent. There he washed the man’s feet and gave him food and drink.

Without hesitation, the old traveler began eating his food before saying a prayer of thanksgiving. Abraham was taken aback, and asked his guest: “Don’t you worship God?”

The old man replied: “I worship fire only and reverence no other god.”

Shocked by the answer, Abraham quickly stood up, grabbed the old man by the shoulders and threw him out of the tent and into the cold night.

After the traveler departed, God called Abraham and asked him where the stranger was. Abraham firmly replied: “I forced him out because he did not worship you.”

God answered, “Although he dishonors and rejects me, I have patiently loved him these past 80 years. Could you not endure him for one night?”

This allegory made me think of how easy it is to love people whom we have a lot in common with, and how hard it can be to extend grace to those who don’t.

A quick mental scan through the names of my closest friends and I realize a common thread: We all believe the same basic things. That is a natural tendency: We have an intrinsic desire to commune with like-minded people. Nothing wrong there.

But the story depicts an Abraham who behaves incredibly harshly toward another human being, in order to illustrate a deeper concern that reaches beyond religious, moral or lifestyle preferences. I believe this story addresses our propensity to simply be impatient with people who behave, or think differently than we do.

Worse yet, it speaks of the danger of deeming ourselves better than others and choosing who deserves our (or God’s) grace and who does not.

I can’t help but think of the times we judge someone because they act contrarily of what we think they should, or lose patience with a loved one because they made the same mistake… once again.

Indeed, how many relationships end because we choose not to give someone another chance, or are quick to dismiss a person’s individuality because it does not look like what we see in the mirror?

There is nothing wrong with disagreeing with a person’s choices. In the story, God didn’t agree with the man. He wished for him to change and acknowledge him as his God. But the man’s choices didn’t change God’s love for him. On the contrary — God’s love was long-suffering and patient.

It may be that your child is rebelling against everything you’ve ever taught him or her, slowly becoming the very opposite of what you hoped and prayed for. It may be that your spouse’s stubbornness grates on your nerves, and maybe the very thing that attracted you to him or her in the first place is now a point of constant contention. It may be that your boss is a hard pill to swallow and, although you really need that job, you are about to tender your resignation letter. Indeed, maybe you are at the brink of throwing someone out of the tent.

If that’s you today, could it be that God is testing the purity of your love and the strength of your character? Because loving and extending grace to those who fit our preconceived mold is a piece of cake. But forgiving and loving the unlikely? That’s what true love looks like.

Lord, help me break free from all preconceived molds and learn how to love like you do!
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This article was originally published on Patricia’s Column for The Atlanta Journal Constitution on Saturday, August 5th 2016.

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I smiled and uttered a prayer of thanksgiving for my mom. Once again, this loving woman had dropped everything in her life and  had flown 6,000 miles to take care of me and my family in a time of need. Regardless of distance, time or cost, I know that as long as God gives her breath, I can always count on my mom.

My mind goes back in time and I remember our relationship as I grew up. As many women of her day, mom had to work five days a week and sometimes on the weekends to help the family budget; therefore she was not very involved in our day-to-day activities. During the teenage years, as my parents’ relationship became stormy, we were all victims in the consequences of a broken marriage. Hormones and anger made my young mind shut down to any common sense. The hurt of seeing my parents growing apart blinded any attempt to understand my mother and so our relationship became distant and shaky.

As we both struggled with our individual crisis, we hurt each other deeply. As in many other mother-daughter situations that I have known, there was pain, misunderstanding and incompatibility for far too many years.

Today, however, in spite of anything in the past, I can honestly say that Mom is a best friend. I long to see her and spend time with her. I love to hear her voice when I dial her number. And even though our personalities are pretty different and we don’t always agree, our love and longing to be together grows deeper with each passing year.

Our secret?

We set each other free.

We can’t help but grow old, but we have to choose to grow wiser.

As a grown woman, I started to understand her longings, sorrows and disappointments. I often made myself put on her shoes to imagine her experiences.

When I became a Christian at 25, I realized for the first time that no one is worthy of forgiveness; however that is exactly what Christ offers to anyone who will ask. I also came to realize that true love never withholds forgiveness and that we cannot expect to be forgiven if we don’t forgive others. This former Catholic school girl knew all too well the words of the Lord’s Prayer in Luke 11: “And forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.”

I know several mothers and daughters who are wasting time and missing out an abundant life with each other because of unforgiveness. I know daughters who dread the thought of being around their mother and mothers whose daughter can never measure up to their expectations. I know mothers who compete with their daughters and daughters who will never agree with their moms, even when they are absolutely right. The same occurs in different relationships where trust and dreams are shattered . Without forgiveness there is no factual restoration. Without restoration, our future is bound to defeat. Heaven shuts down. Our Faith Bridge stays broken and therefore nonfunctional.

As we stand in a position of self-righteousness, holding on to thirty year-old grudges, we fail to realize that we are the ones held in bondage. Even if the person who wronged you has a hardened heart and continually hurts you, do yourself a favor: Set them free! Ask God to help you forgive them and pray for them. Extend the same forgiveness that you so long to receive from those you hurt.

I cannot remember exactly when it started, but somewhere along life’s way, I started to choose to love my mom for whom she is. I don’t try to change her and I don’t look back anymore. I look forward to the years we have ahead of us. No matter how many we have, I am choosing, one step at a time, to fully, abundantly enjoy each one.

Regardless of who hurt you, whether it was a parent, spouse or friend, forgiving is not easy. Actually, I believe it’s quite impossible without God. But with His help, you can.

Have you tried asking Him to help you overcome?

“With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26

This devotional is an excerpt from Patricia’s newly released book Twelve Inches – Bridging the Gap between what you know about God and how your feel.” Today we’re giving away a copy to one of our readers. Leave a comment to enter, or if you are in a hurry, simply say “I’m bridging the gap!” in the comments section. For more information on the book and to read some of the endorsements, click HERE

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FREE COPY OF POST: Overcoming Perfectionism 08.19.14

Key Verse:

“So don’t be too good or too wise! Why destroy yourself? On the other hand, don’t be too wicked either. Don’t be a fool! Why die before your time?  Pay attention to these instructions, for anyone who fears God will avoid both extremes. Ecclesiastes 7:16-18

PERFECTIONISM

A monster disguised in pretty clothes. Its victims look put together at all times. Their homes are spotless. Their grades, commendable. Their hair is in place any time they hit the door.

If you are a woman, I guarantee you’ve been jealous of a perfectionist before.

But as it is in many things in life, when it comes to the Joneses, there is so much more than what meets the eye.

I know it well. A recovering perfectionist, for many years I struggled with thoughts of inadequacy and failure. I strived for straight As and dreamed of straight hair. Perfectionists were usually raised by a perfectionist parent and therefore their tendency to strive to be the crème de la crème in everything they do is usually a cry for love and acceptance.  Unfortunately, unless they recognize the issue, they carry on the legacy to the next generation, unintentionally pushing their poor children into the same trap.

We live at the age of airbrushed, anorexic beauty. My anti-age cream is advertised by a gorgeous 20 year-old model, who won’t see a wrinkle on her face for another, well, 20 years.  50 year old millionaire actresses sell us the lie that we can fight the losing battle of sagging, wrinkling and hormonal changes at the blink of an eye.

Without a doubt, physical perfectionism plagues our society, infiltrating our families and distracting even many of our beautiful young girls, who are hiding in the restrooms, drowning in the hopelessness of anorexia and bulimia.

Then there’s performance perfectionism. Many of us believe that we must be perfect in all we do. Our homes must be perfectly clean. Home decor must change with the seasons.

We may find ourselves comparing our marriage to some of our friends’, who may seem to have more “sparks” flying around, or whose husband seems to be more romantic than ours. Before we know it, we are nagging John to death, trying to change the man we fell in love with into someone he’ll never be.

And let’s not forget our children’s school performance and sports galore! The pressure to be on accelerated programs and Honor Rolls steal many children’s hide-and-seek moments today. Our baseball, softball and football fields and filled with young boys and girls who are missing their summers for another championship. Missing church for another trophy. We push them. They push themselves. And we all miss the mark.

We fight to perfect ourselves, our children, our spouses, our homes.

And we all become miserable, tired and broken together.

It’s not an easy trap to escape from. But if we want to have an abundant life, escape we must!

We can start by reminding ourselves of this truth: That God is not impressed by our looks or performance. He wants our hearts (Deut 10:12).

Hearts that understand that our perfection is only found in him (Ephesians 2:8-10).

Hearts that make His priority list ours. (Psalm 18:30)

Hearts set less in seeking perfection and more in perfecting our love and devotion for Him.  (Psalm 51:10)

Indeed, today I realize that perfectionism is the world’s and Satan’s way to make me rely less and less on God.

And more and more on fallible, inadequate me.

Instead of attaining perfection, the result will always fall short of our target: We become stressed out, needy of approval, self-indulgent, impatient.

Simply hard to deal with.

Through the Grid of God’s Grace

Our good works and great performance should be viewed through the grid of God’s grace. By grace we are lavished each day with opportunities, gifts and talents which allow us to do our best and be our best.

As Dallas Willard said “Grace is God acting in our lives to do what we cannot do on our own.”

Indeed, God never designed us to accomplish perfection without him. The point of the gospel is that we are unable to be perfect. We all fall short; we all “miss the mark” (Romans 3:23). Sinners need a Savior, and that’s why Jesus came. When we trust in Him, He forgives our shortcomings, imperfections, and iniquities.

We can then stop striving for unreasonable, unattainable worldly “perfection” and rest in the Perfect One (Matthew 11:28).

Verses to Meditate Upon:

“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns” Philippians 1:6.

For without Me you can do nothing” John 15:5.

“As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him” Psalm 18:30.

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Passage: Matthew 18: 21-35

Key Verses: “Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” Vs.21-22

 “I’m sorry for being mean today,” the little one says. Sissy replies: “It’s ok. I was mean too. And I’m sorry.”

They laugh, hug and turn on their music: “You make everything glooorious, I am Yoooours!” They sing and dance together.

Sitting at my desk and smiling ear to ear, I heard God whisper in my soul: “They bless my heart.”

Forgiveness…

Is there anything harder to break through, more difficult to master, than asking for and extending forgiveness?

I think not.

And yet, it’s evident that those who forgive have a richer, more peaceful life than those who hold grudges or those who are too prideful to admit when they’re wrong.

Yes, I firmly believe that forgiveness is one of the keys to an abundant life.

On the other hand, lack of forgiveness is the reason behind much of the world’s stress and misery.

As you turn on the TV, you’ll see that revenge is idealized as the pinnacle of success. Turning the other cheek? Nope. “Revenge belongs to ME”, the world cries out.

But what about us, Jesus followers? How do we respond to repeated offenses?

“Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” v.21

Let’s be honest. We can relate to Peter. As a matter of fact, our dear apostle thought he was being “extra spiritual” when he asked the Lord if forgiving seven times was enough. After all, he had heard Jewish rabbis teach that forgiving the same offender three times was sufficient.

Jesus exposed the true issue behind this concept: Peter was holding a forgiveness meter. His words showed that he intended to measure up the injuries done to him. When the measure was full, he would be allowed to avenge the wrong doing. Therefore he still thought of himself as a judge somewhat, when God tells us that “there’s only one Lawgiver and Judge, the One who is able to save and to destroy…” James 4:12 a

“Seventy times seven”, Jesus said.

Seven. The number that represents completion. Perfection. Righteousness revealed.

Is there anything more righteous than extending grace and forgiveness to the undeserving? Is there anything more Christ-like than saying: “It’s ok… I’ve been mean too. I forgive you.”

Just as my daughter told her little sister…

Or will we do as the slave in the parable, whose huge debt was completely forgiven by his Master, and yet, was unable to extend the same forgiveness to his fellow slave. The measure of his debt couldn’t compare to the amount his friend owed him. In today’s money, his Master had forgiven him a debt equivalent to over $10,000,000 . A fortune! His friend owed him about $15. Still, he would not forgive him.

Sounds ridiculous, right?

And it is. Yet, Jesus’ message rings with the intensity of the meaning behind this parable: How dare we withhold a smudge of grace from our brothers and sisters, when we were lavished by grace through His precious blood!

No, it’s not easy. I don’t claim it to be. But forgiveness is not an option. It’s a demand. We must forgive, lest we impair our connection with the Father. He can’t extend grace when we withhold it from our neighbor. The Bible is filled with reminders of that truth. (Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13; Luke 6:37; Romans 12:19)

“Will you forgive again?” God asks.

What should our answer be?

A twelve year old reminded me today:

“Yes, it’s ok. I’ve been mean too. I forgive you.”

“How many times?”

Seventy times seven… Forever… Completely…

Enough to become more like Jesus.

Verses to Meditate Upon:

“But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.” Mark 11:25 (NLT)

“Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.” 1 Peter 3:9 (NLT)

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32 (NIV)

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