A couple rushes to the altar after a short-term courtship. A spouse gives in to lust and commits adultery. A wife spouts off insults against her husband. A mother lashes out at her children with no regard for the damage thoughtless words will cause.

Impulsivity is perhaps one of the most primal instincts known to men, and most everyone is guilty of acting impulsively at least once in their lifetime. A common mark of youth, lack of self-control and restraint often bears consequences that can irreparably impact a young person’s future.

Unfortunately, many individuals never outgrow this trait, struggling with self-control throughout their adult life. This type of behavior is known in psychology as “dysfunctional impulsivity,” and the name translates it perfectly. People who constantly act on impulse come across as out of control, erratic, unstable, and angry, often allowing desires, fear or anger to steer them down a path of destruction and isolation.

The offspring of impulsivity are usually regret and loss. #rechargewednesday
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For certain people, impulsive acts are just that: actions preceded by no regard for consequence. For others, however, impulsivity has broader roots, and their actions are a consequence of deep-set fear, insecurities or jealousy.

Saul’s Jealousy

In my recent study of the book of Psalms, I came across a number of songs written by David when hiding from King Saul, who sought to kill the young man when feeling threatened by his growing popularity among the Jews. As we read the parallel passages in the book of 1 Samuel, we find Saul’s insecurities growing at the same rate as David’s accomplishments. When David entered Jerusalem after slaying Goliath and ending Israel’s war against the Philistines, women came out from all the towns of Israel to meet King Saul with dancing and singing. While dancing, they sang a song that spurred Saul into a jealous fit: “Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands.” (1 Samuel 18)

Saul’s proud smile disappeared. The song infuriated him. His anger bore a new giant within his heart, a threat mightier than the 9-foot slain Philistine: burning jealousy.
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The Hebrew word used in this passage for the kind of anger Saul experienced is revealing. It is “charah,” which, according to the Hebrew Lexicon, means “to burn, be kindled, be incensed, glow with anger, grow indignant; to act zealously.” Charah is not just any type of anger. Its deeper meaning conveys the fire of anger that burns right after it is ignited. In other words, it conveys the type of anger followed by an impulsive response. Charah portrays Saul exploding with anger –a reaction before any sense of self-control or restraint could be processed.

I understand King Saul too well.

When I was younger, fear and insecurity brought about many impulsive actions and decisions. As I’ve grown older, however, self-awareness and God’s wisdom in Scriptures have helped me strike the right balance between not acting at all and acting impulsively, repeatedly.

But how can we master our impulses? I don’t believe we can do it on our own. We can start by asking God to reveal what triggers our responses and help us heal. We must also seek to know ourselves better, thus developing awareness of what generates our anger, lust, fear, or pride and deliberately dealing with it. That means we turn from whatever tempts us or seek to find our heart’s motives behind our anger.

I have also learned to take self-imposed time-outs… and pray before acting. When something or someone angers me, I silence, sometimes leave the room, and postpone the discussion. I then ask God for his wisdom and grace. It’s not that I never say anything in anger anymore; however, thankfully, moderation and self-control have become more prevalent than impulsive, regretful words or actions.

Saul had been chosen by God to be king, but we will never know the greatness destined for his reign because of bad decisions and reckless responses resulting from pride, insecurity, and fear.

Instead of a beacon of light to follow, Israel’s first king bore a series of character flaws to be avoided.

May it be a lesson for us all, lest we allow our passions, fear and pride to become the very instruments that forge our shackles … and ruin our future.

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LINKUP is open! This week, @patholbrook shares a strong message about the dangers of allowing impulsiveness, fear and pride to take over our decision-making. Joins us and share your blog!
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The post When Impulsiveness Generates Regret & Loss {Recharge Wednesday LINKUP} appeared first on Soaring With Him Ministries.

The king continued walking through his garden, dismayed by its desolate state, when he came across a small violet. Its tiny frame was beautifully bright and full of life. The king told the small flower: “You look radiant! You don’t seem to be the least disheartened about the misery and discouragement around you.” The violet replied: “No, I am not. I know I’m small, yet, I imagine that if you wanted an oak tree or a pine tree where I am, you would have planted one. Since I know you wanted a violet, I am determined to be the very best violet I can be.”

This allegory gives me pause. It makes me think of how much time and energy we waste wishing for something we cannot attain, or striving to be someone we were never meant to be.

How much time and energy we waste wishing for something we cannot attain, or striving to be someone we were never meant to be. #RechargeWednesday
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We hear stories of beautiful women who submit themselves to excruciatingly painful procedures to change their body’s shape. We watch as people’s faces become deformed because they cannot accept aging as a natural process of life. We hear about young teenagers who starve themselves in an attempt to look like celebrities and models on magazines. We witness preachers striving to copy famous preachers, parents pushing their kids to the extremes of competition, and employees begrudging their peers for being promoted.

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Envy and jealousy sear in a society that insists on believing that the grass is always greener on the other side.
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I can’t help but imagine God as the king in the story, sadly walking through his garden and watching his plants become gloomy and lifeless where he planted them. He watches as we sneer at his provision and his unique design for each of our lives, and as his work becomes repetitious and dull, rather than vibrantly unique.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14

It’s not that we shouldn’t strive to become better. I am certainly not against all plastic surgery, seeking better job opportunities or admiring those who are great examples of leadership for the work of the kingdom. We should indeed look at successful people and appreciate their unique virtues and, whenever their success is more than skin deep, even look up to them as great examples to follow. But the issue becomes when we are so engrossed comparing ourselves to others and desiring their shade of glory, that we forget that God has a unique plan for each one of us, and that our job is to be the very best we can be, wherever he plants us.

It’s true — the happiest, most successful and fulfilled human beings are those who embrace their uniqueness, play on their strengths and find contentment wherever God places them. Whether as a mighty oak tree or a small violet planted on the corner of the garden, their secret is accepting themselves and their place of service with grateful hearts, remembering that if and when God wants them to bear fruit elsewhere, he will make provision to move them to a broader field.

This article was originally published in Patricia’s Column for The Atlanta Journal Constitution (AJC)

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LINKUP PARTY is open! As we approach the holidays, @PatHolbrook reflects on one of the reasons some remain ungrateful: Comparison. Join us & share your blog!
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Several weeks ago, I wrote a column about how true friendships are tested in times of trouble. Later that week I ran across an amusing quote from an unknown author, which reminded me of the message conveyed in my article. The quote said: “Do you want to find out how many friends you have? Throw a party. Now if you want to find out how many true friends you have, simply get sick.”

It is unquestionably true that faithful friends reach out to help us during times of great sorrow and loss. But today I want to discuss another gauge by which one can measure the sincerity of their friendships.

I recently watched an online video by professor Dr. Leandro Karnal, where he addressed the test of a true friendship from a different perspective. He said that if one needs to find out who their true friends are, they should not disclose their burdens. “After all,” he said, “most human beings are able to offer empathy for the sick and hurting.”

He then shared a comical story of how he supposedly invited some of his best friends for dinner, where he shared the wonderful things that were happening in his life. His professional success, financial abundance, and the blessings of a great marriage and children were among the subjects he bluntly bragged about. While sharing the good news, he carefully watched his friends’ reactions.

According to his testimony, several friends seemed genuinely happy while listening to his story. But others didn’t have the same response. He witnessed fake smiles, uncomfortable silence, and even contempt. One of his friends went as far as saying: “It’s a shame your success won’t last long.”

Whether Karnal’s “Friendship Test” actually happened or it was meant as a illustration, the sad truth is that many of us have had the same experience of finding out that a friend, whom we genuinely loved, resented our success. Not long ago, that factor became a new paradigm by which I measure the depth of my friends’ loyalty.

I am not famous, by any means. My sphere of influence is small compared to many writers and speakers in the growing market of Christian influencers in America and in the world. However, in the past few years, my ministry has gained increasing exposure in both secular and Christian environments.

As God started blessing my professional efforts, I have certainly experienced both sides of the friendship spectrum. Several of my friends continually cheer me on, excited to see what God is doing in my life. But unfortunately, I have also witnessed the very opposite reaction, as some people I thought were my true friends clearly resented, diminished, ignored, and even mocked my accomplishments.

Although realizing that some people we love are not our true friends is certainly a hurtful process, it nevertheless brings forth a valuable lesson that we should teach our children and guard in our hearts with zeal.

And the lesson is this: Jealousy and true friendship are the pinnacle of contradiction. As King Solomon recorded in the book of Proverbs: “A true friend loves at all times.” And true love was best described by the apostle Paul in his letter to the Corinthian church: Among other things, love does not envy and is not self-seeking. True friends reach out when we are hurting, but also rejoice when we succeed. Anything less than that is counterfeit friendship, and we are better off without.

Jealousy and true friendship are the pinnacle of contradiction.
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Patricia Holbrook is a Christian author, blogger and International speaker. Her Book Twelve Inches is on sale at Barnes & Nobles, Amazon and retailers worldwide. Visit her website www.soaringwithHim.com. Email pholbrook@soaringwithHim.com

The post Friendship & Envy – The Pinnacle of Contradiction {Atlanta Journal Constitution} appeared first on Soaring With Him Ministries.

The king continued walking through his garden, dismayed by its desolate state, when he came across a small violet. Its tiny frame was beautifully bright and full of life. The king told the small flower: “You look radiant! You don’t seem to be the least disheartened about the misery and discouragement around you.” The violet replied: “No, I am not. I know I’m small, yet, I imagine that if you wanted an oak tree or a pine tree where I am, you would have planted one. Since I know you wanted a violet, I am determined to be the very best violet I can be.”

This allegory gives me pause. It makes me think of how much time and energy we waste wishing for something we cannot attain, or striving to be someone we were never meant to be. We hear stories of beautiful women who submit themselves to excruciatingly painful procedures to change their body’s shape. We watch as people’s faces become deformed because they cannot accept aging as a natural process of life. We hear about young teenagers who starve themselves in an attempt to look like celebrities and models on magazines. We witness preachers striving to copy famous preachers, parents pushing their kids to the extremes of competition, and employees begrudging their peers for being promoted. Envy and jealousy sear in a society that insists on believing that the grass is always greener on the other side.

I can’t help but imagine God as the king in the story, sadly walking through his garden and watching his plants become gloomy and lifeless where he planted them. He watches as we sneer at his provision and his unique design for each of our lives, and as his work becomes repetitious and dull, rather than vibrantly unique.

It’s not that we shouldn’t strive to become better. I am certainly not against all plastic surgery, seeking better job opportunities or admiring those who are great examples of leadership for the work of the kingdom. We should indeed look at successful people and appreciate their unique virtues and, whenever their success is more than skin deep, even look up to them as great examples to follow. But the issue becomes when we are so engrossed comparing ourselves to others and desiring their shade of glory, that we forget that God has a unique plan for each one of us, and that our job is to be the very best we can be, wherever he plants us.

It’s true — the happiest, most successful and fulfilled human beings are those who embrace their uniqueness, play on their strengths and find contentment wherever God places them. Whether as a mighty oak tree or a small violet planted on the corner of the garden, their secret is accepting themselves and their place of service with grateful hearts, remembering that if and when God wants them to bear fruit elsewhere, he will make provision to move them to a broader field.

Patricia Holbrook is a Christian author and national conference speaker. Her book, “Twelve Inches: Bridging the
Gap Between What You Know About God and How You Feel,” is available on Kindle, at Barnes and Nobles, Amazon and other retailers. Visit her website at www.soaringwithhim.com Email: pholbrook@soaringwithHim.com

The post Comparison – Joy and Purpose Killer {Atlanta Journal Constitution} appeared first on Soaring With Him Ministries.