John Quincy Adams is perhaps one of America’s most impressive leaders. No elected official held more prominent offices than Adams in U.S. history. He lived in constant pursuit of excellence, serving with distinction as the country’s president, senator, congressman, and minister to major European powers. He also served in the American Revolution, the War of 1812, and his name was tied to important events leading to the Civil War.

Despite all his outstanding accomplishments, we find a quote by the former president that translates the void he felt and insecurities tied to his struggle with perfectionism. At 70 years old, with a lifetime of successes behind him, he wrote, “My whole life has been a succession of disappointments. I can scarcely recollect a single instance of success in anything that I ever undertook.”

Indeed, anyone who struggles with perfectionism can attest to it: Perfectionism is a monster disguised in pretty clothes. Its victims usually look always put together. Their homes are often spotless. Their grades and careers, commendable.

Perfectionism is a monster disguised in pretty clothes. @AJC #Perfectionism #MondayMotivation #MondayThoughts
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If you are a woman, I guarantee you’ve been jealous of a perfectionist before.

But as is often the case, when it comes to the Joneses, there is much more than meets the eye. It is not uncommon to find deep insecurities hiding behind many perfectionists’ beautiful front and successful endeavors.

I know it too well. A recovering perfectionist, I struggled with thoughts of inadequacy and failure for many years. I strived for straight As and dreamed of straight hair. Indeed, in a perfectionist’s economy, “good” is never good enough.

When it comes to the Joneses, there is much more than meets the eye. It is not uncommon to find deep insecurities hiding behind many perfectionists’ beautiful front and successful endeavors. @AJC #Perfectionism #MondayMotivation…
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When it comes to physical appearance, the issue is broad. We live at the age of airbrushed, anorexic beauty. My anti-age cream ad campaign portrays a gorgeous 20-year-old model who won’t see a wrinkle on her face for another, well, 20 years. Millionaire actresses in their 50s or older sell us the lie that we can fight the losing battle of sagging, wrinkling and hormonal changes with the latest fad supplement or diet.

Without a doubt, physical perfectionism plagues our society, infiltrating our families and distracting even many of our beautiful young girls, who are hiding in the restrooms, drowning in the hopelessness of anorexia and bulimia.

But then there’s performance perfectionism. Like President Adams, many of us believe that we must be perfect in all we do. Our homes must be immaculate. We must strive to climb the corporate ladder, no matter the cost.

The need for perfection invariably leads to unhealthy comparisons. We may find ourselves comparing our marriage to our friend’s, whose husband appears to be more romantic than ours. Before we know it, we are nagging John to death, trying to change the man we fell in love with into someone he’ll never be.

And let’s not forget our children’s school performance and sports galore! The pressure to be on accelerated programs and honor rolls steal many children’s hide-and-seek moments today. Our baseball, softball and football fields overflow with young boys and girls missing their summers for another championship. Or missing church for another trophy. We push them. They push themselves. And everyone misses the mark.

We strive to perfect ourselves, our children, our spouses, our homes. Inevitably, we become miserable, tired, and broken… together.

It’s not easy to escape from the trap. But if we want to have an abundant life, we must try!

We can start by reminding ourselves of this truth: God is not impressed by our looks or performance. He wants our hearts. Hearts that understand that our perfection is only found in him.

God is not impressed by our looks or performance. He wants our hearts. Hearts that understand that our perfection is only found in him. @AJC #Perfectionism #MondayMotivation #MondayThoughts
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He is looking for people who make his priority list theirs, and whose hearts are set less in seeking perfection and more in perfecting their love and devotion for him.

Indeed, today I realize that perfectionism’s most significant issue is that it pushes me to rely less and less on God and more and more on fallible, inadequate me. It borders idolatry, really.

Instead of attaining perfection, the result will always fall short of our target: We become stressed out, needy of approval, self-indulgent, impatient. Simply hard to deal with.

As we strive to escape the perfectionism trap, we should start by viewing ourselves and our performance through the grid of God’s grace. By grace, we are lavished each day with opportunities, gifts and talents which allow us to do our best and be our best.

As Dallas Willard said, “Grace is God acting in our lives to do what we cannot do on our own.”

Indeed, God never designed us to accomplish perfection without him. The point of the gospel is that we are unable to be perfect. We all fall short; we all “miss the mark.” Sinners need a Savior, and as believers, we understand that is the reason Jesus came.

God never designed us to accomplish perfection without him. The point of the gospel is that we are unable to be perfect. We all fall short; we all 'miss the mark.' Sinners need a Savior, and as believers, we understand that is the…
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When we trust in him, he forgives our shortcomings, and we can stop striving for unreasonable, unattainable worldly “perfection” and rest in the Perfect One.

This article was originally published in Patricia’s column for The Atlanta Journal-Constitution on Saturday, December 4, 2021. Click Here to find it on the AJC’s website. 

The post Perfectionism Leads to Frustration and Stress {The Atlanta Journal-Constitution} appeared first on Soaring With Him Ministries.

The Rev. Alexander Whyte was a Scottish minister and author of the 19th century known by his congregation as a man of an unwavering grateful spirit. Regardless of the circumstances, he seemed always to find something for which to be thankful. One of his parishioners told a story about a gloomy Sunday morning when a friend commented, just before the service started: “Certainly the preacher won’t think of anything for which to thank the Lord on a wretched day like this.” However, no sooner had the man said these words, the reverend opened the service with a prayer: “We thank Thee, O God, that it is not always like this.”

The story reminded me of a research I did several years ago for a message I prepared for my first large conference as the keynote speaker. As I prayed about the theme of the message, I felt led to Psalm 42. The first verse of this psalm became well-known inside the Christian community after Seattle-native Martin J. Nystrom launched the song “As the Deer” in 1984.

“As the deer pants for the water, so my soul longeth after Thee.”

Both the song and the psalm’s emphasis are on the writer’s trust, love and hope in God, but a study on chapter 42 in its entirety finds a man fighting against the shadows of depression that threaten to steal his peace and his faith.

Scholarly opinions diverge concerning the authorship of this psalm. Some believe the “sons of Korah” wrote Psalms 42 to 49. They were a clan of Levites appointed by King David as the temple’s musicians. According to these scholars, these psalms were composed during the Babylonian exile when the writers were far from their homeland and their place of worship, fighting depression and reminiscing the days when they worshipped in Jerusalem’s temple.

Other scholars, such as the notorious Matthew Henry, attribute this psalm to King David. As Henry states in his commentary: “(…) we may conjecture that it was penned by (David) at a time when, either by Saul’s persecution or Absalom’s rebellion, he was driven from the sanctuary and cut off from the privilege of waiting upon God in public ordinances.”

We may not be sure concerning this psalm’s authorship, but the sentiment behind the famous words is broadly familiar. As one reads Psalm 42, one finds a man caught between depression and faith, struggling to keep his heart anchored in God’s promises while facing desperate circumstances.

“My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all day long, ‘Where is your God?’” (v.3)

The author’s pain and sense of isolation are deep and real, and yet, as we read on, we witness his steadfast determination not to succumb to depression:

“Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him, for the help of His presence.”

The psalm is, by all accounts, a lesson in thanksgiving during difficult times. And I believe it is a message much needed this year, as many of God’s faithful children have faced incredible hardships or find themselves isolated from their loved ones this Holiday season.

Depression is indeed one of the most common emotional issues during life’s difficult trials. This psalm reveals a man caught in deep emotional pain but who refuses to succumb to its tentacles. His answer is simple yet challenging to anyone in the middle of a personal crisis: He looks back to remember God’s faithfulness in the past and looks forward, by faith, declaring that the same God who was faithful then, is still faithful now.

Remember God’s faithfulness in the past and look forward, by faith, declaring that the same God who was faithful then, is still faithful now. @AJC #Mondaydevotional #MondayMotivation #Thanksgiving2020 #Thankful
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God had not abandoned him, and His deliverance would undoubtedly come. The author proclaimed God’s redemption, even though his eye did not see it coming.

Maybe this holiday season finds you in a similar place. Perhaps like the author of Psalm 42, your life has changed so dramatically that you find your heart’s song wavering between depression and hope, anxiety and trust. Maybe, like a deer panting for water, your soul is dry, longing for God to revive it again.

If that is you, let the psalmist’s lesson on Thanksgiving guide you today. Look back. Remember the countless ways that God rescued you in the past.

And then, just as The Rev. Whyte boldly declared his trust and thanksgiving to God on that gloomy day, dare to say:

“We thank Thee, O God, that it will not always be like this.”

This article was originally published in Patricia’s column for The Atlanta Journal-Constitution on Saturday, November 21, 2020. Click HERE to read it on the AJC’s website.

Hard to find things to be grateful for these days? Do as the author of Psalm 42 did: look back, remember God's faithfulness in the past, and rejoice! The same God who was faithful then... is faithful today and forevermore. @AJC…
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I read a story about Timanthes that made me reflect on the importance of not settling for the status quo.

According to the account, Timanthes studied the art of painting under the direction of a respected tutor. After many years of study, the teacher’s efforts paid off when Timanthes painted an exquisite piece of art. But something unfortunate took place after the painting was completed: The pupil became so enthralled by his work that he stopped working altogether. Instead, he spent countless days in front of it, admiring its beauty.

One day, when arriving at the studio, Timanthes rushed to admire his precious painting once again, only to be shocked by what he found. His magnificent art stood in the same corner; however, blots of paint were smeared all over its surface.

Timanthes was furious. He rushed to his tutor, who readily admitted to having destroyed the painting himself. “I did it for your own good,” the wise teacher said. “That painting was retarding your progress. Start again, and see if you can do better.” According to the story, Timanthes accepted the teacher’s challenge. He proceeded to produce “The Sacrifice of Iphigenia,” considered one of the most magnificent paintings of antiquity.

The story made me think of the times when life circumstances force us to start over. So many of us have found ourselves in critical and difficult crossroads, wherein the realization that years of work, dedication, love and investment did not translate into success. Marriages that crumble under the weight of irreconcilable differences or betrayal. Business endeavors that fail. Careers that come to a halt. Years of investing time and resources to raise children who, eventually, turn their back on their parents, their faith, and the very principles they were taught.

At the onset of these traumatic “life pauses,” our natural response is often bewilderment, anger, and even despair. Understandably so, for there hardly is anything more painful than witnessing the end of a dream or the loss of a cherished relationship.

However, as I reflect on certain losses I’ve experienced, I cannot help but parallel young Timanthes’ story with my own.

I believe that if we were honest, many of us could testify of times in the past where we settled instead of strived to nurture relationships and give our best in our endeavors. We sit to admire the work of our hands, completely disregarding that God has something much better ahead, if only we stop gazing at what is and believe in what will be.

Could it be that God has something much better ahead of you, but first you must stop gazing at what is and believe in what will be? @AJC @ExperiencingGod @richardblackaby
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Bible teacher and bestselling author Henry Blackaby said it best: “You cannot stay the way you are and go with God.”

You cannot stay the way you are and go with God. - Henry Blackaby #MondayMotivation #MondayDevotional @AJC @ExperiencingGod @richardblackaby
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Have you ever considered that the end of a dream could be God’s catapult to send you in the right direction?

I truly believe so.

We are creatures of habit, and many of us fear change, especially when it brings pain. But sometimes, there is no way around it. And so, God, in His omniscience and love, often propels us into darkness, pain and loss, because He knows what needs to change so we can fulfill our potential.

God, in His omniscience and love, often propels us into darkness, pain and loss, because He knows what needs to change so we can fulfill our potential. #MondayMotivation #MondayDevotional @AJC @ExperiencingGod @richardblackaby
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This principle challenges me.

As I type these words today, I find myself all too aware that I have reached a place where some things in my routine must change if I am to receive God’s best. As usual, it is uncomfortable. Why? Because I like it where I am. It’s cozy. Well-known. I enjoy my “painting” just as it is, thank you very much. But truth be told, I know that if I am to allow God to birth his masterpiece in my life, I must accept His direction, as hard as it may be, even if it means starting the painting, all over again.

The question is: Will we settle with the results of our work thus far, or will we choose to see hardships as the work of God’s hand, propelling us into new directions, where God-sized dreams and real joy are found? Our only job is simple, yet hard: We must remind our hearts that the master knows best, simply trust … and believe.

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:18 @AJC @ExperiencingGod @richardblackaby
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This article was originally published in Patricia’s column for The Atlanta Journal-Constitution on Saturday – October 26, 2019.

The post When We Are Compelled to Start Over {The Atlanta Journal Constitution} appeared first on Soaring With Him Ministries.

Hayes was not a typical glamorous Hollywood actress. As a matter of fact, she was once described as “diminutive and homespun” for her modesty and practicality. Her lasting career was anchored in a persevering spirit, who rose above the status quo to build a thriving image for decades while other actresses’ time in the limelight did not otherwise last.

When talking about her mother’s legacy one day, the actress told of a time when her mom spoke of the difference between achievement and success: “Achievement is the knowledge that you have studied and worked hard and done the best that is in you. Success is being praised by others, and that’s nice too, but not as important or satisfying. Always aim for achievement and forget about success.”

Always aim for achievement and forget about success.
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When I came across Hayes’ mother’s quote and her life story, I thought about a similar message I heard as a child. My mom was a woman ahead of her time, who was raised in a community where women were not allowed to pursue their dreams. For that reason, she became determined to bring up children with the very opposite mindset: “You can do anything you set your mind to do.” “Reach for the stars.” Indeed, Sir Edward Young’s quote was implied in every subliminal message I heard as a child:

“Too low they build who build beneath the stars.”

Too low they build who build beneath the stars. ~ Edward Young
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One of the first times I had to exercise determination and perseverance to achieve my goals was while playing volleyball in high school. I was one of those girls who reach their maximum height early in puberty, making me a tall 13-year-old at 5’5”. I had started playing the sport in sixth grade, and by the time my high school freshman year started, I loved playing as an outside hitter. As time went by, however, my small stature did not quite fit the profile of a volleyball hitter. I had to make a choice: either I would change positions on the team, or I would have to overcome my height by improving my vertical jump. That’s when my mother’s words echoed in my heart: “Reach for the stars.”

And reach for the stars I did. Literally. I was the first one on the court each day, doing extra drills to improve my jump and speed. By the end of my sophomore year, I had the highest vertical on the team. I ended my high school career as the starter outside hitter and went on to play in college for a while, until an injury prevented me from remaining on the team.

After listing the amazing accomplishments of great men and women of faith in the Old Testament, the author of Hebrews starts the last chapter of his epistle with the following words:

“And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.” In other words, if we are to fulfill our God-given destiny, we must focus on our own race, run it with steadfastness and keep our eyes on God, who helps us overcome our limitations.

I know Helen Hayes’ story did not just ‘happen’ to come across my screen on the first week of 2019. While evaluating the year that ended, I had to confess to God that one of the things that I lacked last year was steadfast focus – that same focus that my 14-year-old self displayed many years ago. I did not focus on how successful or tall some of my teammates were, or the smirks I saw from across the net on the faces of my 6-foot tall opponents. Instead, I focused on my own race, choosing to press on against limitations to achieve my dream.

Helen Hayes heeded her mother’s advice and aimed for achievement rather than success. May her legacy be a reminder to stay focused on our God-given goals this New Year and nothing else. The outcome may not result in being praised by others, but it will certainly please God.

This article was originally published on Patricia’s column for The Atlanta Journal Constitution on Saturday, January 5, 2019.

Stay focused on our God-given goals this New Year and nothing else. The outcome may not result in being praised by others, but it will certainly please God. #MondayMotivation #Newyear2019
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I watched the scene from a distance, fully aware that I was invisible to the group of teenagers standing in front of me. It’s amazing how parents disappear whenever teens get together. As an avid observer, I sat back to pay attention to the scene unfolding before me. A group of beautiful girls and dazzled boys conversed animatedly, talking about the day at school, while planning their next big thing.

Two girls stood out. Tall, skinny and blond, every boy and girl in the group seemed hypnotized by their presence. They played with their immaculate hair while talking, showing their perfect, pearly smiles. They are beautiful, and they know it. As my eyes scanned the group, my heart sank while watching some of the other girls shrink as the two popular kids stood out.

And just like that, I was 15 again. The all too familiar weight of comparison and inadequacy flooded my mind, as I imagined their struggle:

“Mom, can I have highlights? I really want to be blond.”

“If only I could get rid of these freckles. I hate them.”

“If only my hair were straight.”

“If only my hair were curly.”

“If only I could lose 10 pounds.”

Ah, the comparison curse! So many of us have been haunted by its ghost during our youth. It’s the ghost that told us we were unworthy, unlovable, unintelligent and ugly. It screamed that we could never measure up, and that the grass was always greener in our friends’ front yard. And even though this ghost certainly haunted teenagers in the ’80s, when we wished to look like Cindy Crawford and be popular like Whitney Houston, this joy-stealer, heart-breaking curse floods our culture more than ever on this social-media driven 21st century.

If you had asked me before today if I had overcome the feelings of insecurity of my youth, I would have quickly replied with a big, fat “yes.”

“I know who I am and I’m happy with myself. Finally.”

But during my time of prayer and reading Scriptures this morning, I realized that this statement is only partially true.

No, I don’t spend my time trying to look or sound like someone else. I am at peace with my red hair and Brazilian accent. I don’t dream of wearing a size 2, nor do I wear painful high-heeled shoes to appear 4 inches taller anymore.

But truth be told, as I thought about the race God has called me to run, I realized that I have allowed the comparison ghost to creep in again. Rather than haunting me to feel unworthy or ugly, it plays with grown-up fears these days. Maybe you can relate:

“If only I could write/speak/sing/cook like she does.”

“If only I had her job.”

“If only I had his money.”

“If only my marriage were like theirs.”

“If only I were not alone.”

If only.

There’s a vast difference between desiring to be married, grow in our profession, look our best or do our very best … and trying to run someone else’s race.
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On one hand, we keep focus on what God has called us to do, at this moment in time and plan for the future as God shows us the next steps. We welcome ideas and even ask for advice, nevertheless remembering that, just as our fingerprints are exclusive, so is the race God sets before each individual.

Conversely, we can become so enamored by someone else’s accomplishments that we start applying their “success formula,” without stopping to pray to find out if it is right for us. All the while, I imagine God lovingly waiting on us to ask: “Father, is this right … for ME?”

Sometimes I just have to be reminded that when God made me, He broke the mold. There has never been, nor will there ever be someone just like me. Or just like you.
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We are fearfully and wonderfully made for an exclusive, divine plan that cannot be compared to anyone else’s.

May we focus on running our unique race, lest we miss our destination for being distracted with someone else’s journey.

This article was originally published on Patricia’s column for The Atlanta Journal Constitution on Saturday –  September 15th, 2018.

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Do you have any idea of the details of circumstances that had to happen from the beginning of time, so you would be exactly who you are, where you are, at this point in history?

The question lingered in my mind while the preacher continued his sermon.

I don’t remember who said it, if I heard it on TV, radio or at church. All I remember is that the question made me reminisce details from my life story which helped shape my character, direct my path and prepare me to do what I do today.

From my youth in south Brazil and the decisions my parents made for my education, to the precise circumstances that took place before I met my husband; from the moment I answered the call to write, to the very details that had to take place so I could write this column. I cannot look back without realizing that my life has been intrinsically weaved, orchestrated and guided by God’s masterful hands.

This concept is well-known in literary works and film productions. It is called “the backstory.” A backstory, also known as background story, is a set of events created for a plot, presented as preceding and leading up to that plot, which gives credibility to the central message. It is a literary device of a narrative history which presents earlier events that support the narrative of primary interest. Even purely historical works selectively reveal backstory to the audience. Without a backstory, any work of fiction or historical accounts lose credibility.

Last November, my husband and I drove across town to watch Joe Wright’s “The Darkest Hour” on its release night. The acclaimed movie tells the thrilling and true story that happened at the height of World War II when, within days of becoming Great Britain’s Prime Minister, Winston Churchill must choose between accepting to negotiate peace with Nazi Germany or stand firm to fight for the freedom and ideals of his beloved nation.

With the unstoppable Nazi forces rolling across Europe and an imminent threat of invasion, Churchill makes a tough decision against his own party, with the watchful eye of a skeptical king and an uninformed and divided public. Churchill’s “darkest hour” is a perfect example of one simple decision that could have changed the course of history — a backstory detail of modern history that shaped the world as it is today.

Agnostics and atheists see one’s backstory as happenstance or a natural evolution of events. I personally cannot wrap my mind around that concept. No. I am not that smart or wise to bring about so many details and shape my own destiny. Neither do I believe in accidents. Just as scientists know that small changes in the eccentricity of Earth’s orbit could bring about ice ages, I am well aware that small changes to my backstory would certainly have altered my life’s plot.

Because I firmly believe that nothing happens by chance, I have become increasingly aware of that tug in my heart when I don’t have peace about something, or when I feel compelled to do something that does not make sense. As I watch my backstory unfold, I certainly understand why. Ignoring that lack of peace has only led to disaster in the past. Likewise, moving forward when God prompted me to, even against all odds and critics, has led me to fulfill dreams and witness miracles.

The awareness that nothing happens by chance should completely change the way we see life’s trials and victories, as well as make us think twice before making certain decisions.

If we believe there is a God in heaven Who loves us and wants the best for us, we should also trust that even our darkest hours can work together for our good, if we respond the right way.
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Indeed, I believe that our darkest hour in the hands of Almighty God has the potential to become a light to others and even the very highlight of our backstory in the future.

This article was originally published on Patricia’s column for The Atlanta Journal Constitution on Saturday – July 7th, 2018.

The post Absolutely NOTHING Happens by Chance {The Atlanta Journal Constitution} appeared first on Soaring With Him Ministries.