“It’s easier to build strong children than repair broken men.” Frederick Douglass, abolitionist

Recent research on men’s mental health revealed a shocking reality: Globally, one man dies by suicide every minute. In the U.S., statistics show that men die by suicide at a rate four times higher than women.

In the same bleak reality, an article published by the New York Times on Dec. 7, 2021, concerning a rare public advisory from the U.S. surgeon general office, warned the public of a “devastating” mental health crisis among adolescents. “Numerous hospitals and doctor groups have called it a national emergency, citing rising levels of mental illness, a severe shortage of therapists and treatment options, and insufficient research to explain the trend.”

These unfortunate facts introduced me to a newly released book by licensed family counselor and award-winning author David Thomas. For the past 25 years, Thomas has specialized in counseling boys and their families. His experience and studies offer incredible insight into a crucial aspect of boys’ psyche grossly dismissed by our society: their emotions.

Share this article on Social media, tag Patricia Holbrook, and enter for a chance to win a copy of David’s book.

• Twitter
• Facebook
• Instagram
• Pinterest
• LinkedIn

During my interview with Thomas about his new book, “Raising Emotionally Strong Boys,” we discussed how common it is for boys to grow up with a subliminal message that pushes them into suppressing their emotions instead of learning how to manage them. Because they do not develop the tools to deal with normal feelings of anger, disappointment, and sadness, many men tend to find unhealthy ways to numb their feelings. It is therefore not surprising that they also lead statistics on pornography, infidelity, addictions, and various forms of self-harm.

Because they do not develop the tools to deal with normal feelings of anger, disappointment, and sadness, many men tend to find unhealthy ways to numb their feelings. @AJC #MondayMotivation #DavidThomas #RaisingEmotionallyStrongBoys…
Click To Tweet

I do not have any experience raising boys, but Thomas’ conclusions rang true as I thought about the men in my life and the ingrained message they believed in growing up. Indeed, for generations, we have told boys to “get up and rub dirt” on their wounds and swallow the tears that threaten to fall when sadness or disappointment hit them hard. It is a message that is as loud as it is dangerous since emotions are a congenital part of humanity.

In his book, Thomas offers parents and educators remarkable insight into a boy’s mind and emotional needs and the tools they need to help boys “find their way to the full experience of being human and being fully masculine.”

It is a message as essential as it is timely. As society presses to redefine genders and challenges the lines between masculinity and femininity, Thomas points to Jesus as the perfect example and the missing link from the traditional definition of masculinity. He says: “The longer I study the person of Jesus, the character of Christ, the more I come back to how His strength was founded in tenderness, compassion, mercy and love. They were the pillars of His humanity.”

As society presses to redefine genders and challenges the lines between masculinity and femininity, Thomas points to Jesus as the perfect example and the missing link from the traditional definition of masculinity. @AJC…
Click To Tweet

Indeed, we never find Jesus wavering from His masculinity, even though he expressed His emotions in wonderfully human and tangible ways.

Whether in his books or his practice, Thomas unapologetically leads patients and families into understanding the character of Christ as a man. His strength was defined by sacrifice, humility, compassion and love. He had close relationships with His male friends and was a defender of women. He felt anger at injustice and fear at Gethsemane.

Jesus' strength was defined by sacrifice, humility, compassion and love. He had close relationships with His male friends and was a defender of women. He felt anger at injustice and fear at Gethsemane.
Click To Tweet

Indeed, the gospels show us a Jesus who was entirely in touch with his emotions – He experienced humiliation, betrayal, abandonment, and unbelievable physical pain. Yet, He navigated these human experiences with compassion, patience, and strength. As Thomas said, “His life serves as the ultimate roadmap for how to be a man in this world.”

Yes, boys do cry. And they should. May we seek to learn the tools to help the boys in our lives healthily express perfectly human emotions, lest we raise a generation that feeds the sad reality of despair that the current statistics provide.

Yes, boys do cry. And they should. May we seek to learn the tools to help the boys in our lives healthily express perfectly human emotions, lest we raise a generation that feeds the sad reality of despair that the current statistics…
Click To Tweet

This article was originally published in Patricia’s column for The Atlanta Journal Constitution on Saturday, August 13, 2022. Click HERE to find it on the AJC’s website.

Share this article on Social media, tag Patricia Holbrook, and enter for a chance to win a copy of David’s book.

• Twitter
• Facebook
• Instagram
• Pinterest
• LinkedIn

Click on the graphic below to listen to Patricia’s interview with David Thomas on the God-Sized stories podcast.

Click Below to watch the interview on Patricia’s YouTube channel:

The post Help for our Boys’ Mental Health {The Atlanta Journal-Constitution} appeared first on Soaring With Him Ministries.

The picture depicted an old, burned-out mountain shack. After the fire, the family’s sole possession was destroyed, and the picture shows that only the chimney remained standing. In front of the devastated home stood an old man, dressed in his underclothes, with a small boy by his side. It was evident by the boy’s distressed face that he had been crying. At the bottom of the painting, the artist added a caption with the words he believed the old man was saying to the boy. This simple sentence described the man’s faith and hope for the future, despite his dire circumstances:

“Hush child, God ain’t dead!”

DeLoach recounts his reaction to the painting: “That vivid picture of the burned-out mountain shack, that old man, the weeping child, and those words ‘God ain’t dead’ keep returning to my mind. Instead of it being a reminder of the despair of life, it has come to be a reminder of hope! I need reminders that there is hope in this world. In the midst of all of life’s troubles and failures, I need mental pictures to remind me that all is not lost, as long as God is alive and in control of his world.”

I thought about this story after a conversation I had with my oldest daughter, regarding the increase of suicide among young girls. She was troubled by the number of teenagers and young adults she encounters, who bear scars in their arms and wrists, evidence of their profound despair and hopelessness.

The conversation prompted me to do some research on the stats of suicide in America.

According to a report released by the Centers of Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) in 2015, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the U.S., claiming the lives of almost 45,000 Americans every year. Furthermore, after a steady decline in the ’80s and ’90s, statistics now show that the suicide rate has increased steadily in the past several years, with one group standing out — girls between the ages of 10 and 14. Although they make a small portion of the total of suicides, the rate for this group has increased more than any other, tripling over 15 years from 0.5 to 1.7 per 100,000 people.

Hopelessness is the feeling at the center of each suicide attempt. Despaired souls look at their past and present, and lose the faith to believe that there can be a better, brighter future. Their hearts become anchored in the bleakness of current circumstances, and thus death seems to be the only answer to end their agony. They leave behind baffled family members, who were often clueless of the measure of their pain.

To most of us, the idea is unthinkable — suicide does not even cross our minds. But as a new year begins, I can’t help but wonder how many of us feel hopeless, nevertheless. We look at the year that passed, realizing that our problems have not ended with the old year. Addictions were not overcome. The job offer was not extended. Marriages were not improved. Prodigal children are yet to come home.

We may even become cynical toward God, secretly doubting the words that our lips proclaim at church. “There is no way that this situation will work out for my good,” we may say to ourselves.

But the old man in the picture reminds me of a truth that has been tested and proven in my own life, each time that outwardly hopeless circumstances threatened to steal my future, and every time I chose, against all odds, to trust and believe: So long as there is a God in heaven, there is hope for his creation.

Indeed, this belief has sustained my soul through many a trial: If only we can give God one more day, seek his help and the help of those around us; if only we can remind our hearts that “God ain’t dead,” he is faithful to lift our lives from the ashes, or sustain us until the storm passes by.

This article was originally published on Patricia Holbrook’s column for The Atlanta Journal Constitution (AJC) on Saturday – January 6, 2018.

#Hopelessness and the increasing #suicide rate in America - A reflection for the New Year
Click To Tweet

The post Hopelessness & the Increasing Suicide Rate {The Atlanta Journal Constitution} appeared first on Soaring With Him Ministries.

Quoted from the memorable blockbuster film “Dead Poets Society,” these were the words I recalled when I heard that one of the funniest men on earth had died. His characters made me laugh, cry and remember to keep life in perspective. Whether in “Mrs. Doubtfire,” portraying the hilarious father who didn’t spare extreme measures to reunite with his children, or as John Keating, the unorthodox, free-spirited English teacher in “Dead Poets Society,” Robin Williams’ endearing personality conquered Hollywood and gave the world countless moments of joy for almost four decades.

I was thinking about Williams’ death while walking in the park this morning. I noticed a gentleman I often see there. He sits on the same bench and looks at the horizon, as if contemplating something that no one else can see. His demeanor is somber. His eyes, always sad. I have never seen a smile, even as regulars greet him. Because of his demeanor, I wouldn’t be surprised if someone told me he suffers from severe depression. Indeed, there are people around us who cannot hide their sadness.

Conversely, the news surrounding Williams’ suicide shocked the world because we, his fans, believed the smile. We believed those laughing eyes. We believed that the glamour that surrounded his life was enough to feed his spirit. We believed that the joy he portrayed while performing extended to his personal life.

However, no matter how many journalists and psychologists speculate about the reasons for his depression, one truth remains: Robin Williams felt hopeless. Hopeless enough to take off the mask, turn off the camera and put an end to his life.

His suicide brings hope and joy into perspective in a society where wealth, fame and status are synonyms with success and happiness. It reminds us that there is more than what meets the eye in the cover of magazines and under the limelight. We see famous people’s happy faces and we believe them. We watch them parade their smiles, perfect bodies and mansions and we buy the propaganda – that material possessions bring happiness.

“There is a hole in man’s heart that only God can fill.” In 1670, Blaise Pascal introduced this concept in his book “Pensées,” written as a defense of Christianity. The concept of the “God-shaped hole,” however, has taken on a life of its own and has been used by various theist authors to refer to that perpetual thirst in man’s soul that only God is able to quench. Many spend their lives attempting to fill that void with possessions, relationships and accomplishments, and often get to the end of their lives feeling hopeless and defeated. On the other hand, we meet people of great faith who have very few possessions and even go through unimaginable pain without losing joy and hope.

To many, these people are delusional. To people like myself and so many others, there’s a different answer. God is our hope. That special hole is filled. Indeed, because of hope, I have gone through cancer and did not lose my joy. I have experienced great financial loss without losing perspective. And as I focused on God, regardless of my circumstances, I have found the strength to press on.

No one knows Robin Williams’ relationship with God. I certainly would not dare to speculate. Indeed, even people of faith can lose hope. But I personally choose to keep God in that place designed for no one else but him. Because only in him do I find hope to indeed seize each day and the strength to make life extraordinary.

The post A Reflection on Robin Williams’ Death – Last Weekend’s AJC Column appeared first on Soaring With Him Ministries.